Can't, Won't
by Nellen
Summary: Chad is too stubborn to the point where it's unhealthy.


Note: Listen to MGMT's "Kids" to get a feel if you want.

* * *

"Can't, Won't"

It was dark save for the strobe lights and colored beams flashing throughout the entire place. Heat was emanating from bodies dancing and bumping to the heavy beats of the song playing. The sea of people was colorful and glittering, beautiful and wonderful. Girls' hair flew everywhere and boys' hands roamed everywhere.

Chad walked through the crowd, adjusting his plain black mask every once in awhile so it wouldn't fall off. He discarded his jacket a long time ago, loosened his bowtie, and unbuttoned the first three buttons of his white shirt. His face was damp, and his big mass of hair wasn't helping the situation. He felt pairs of lips pressing to his sweaty face and neck and hands going across his torso and through his hair while he was pushing through. He didn't bother to swat any of them away because it was just too hot.

He finally got to a place in a crowd where there was little bit of space to move around in and to catch a breath of air. Looking around, he tried to see any familiar face, but everything was a blur.

Someone put on hand on his shoulder. "Chad!"

Turning around, Chad saw it was his best friend since ever. "Troy." He watched as his friend bopped his head to the music and do a quick glance around through his own white mask. He also noticed that he took off his button-up, leaving only a wife beater. Chad wanted to do the same, but he actually liked his shirt.

"Why aren't you dancing, bro?" Troy shouted as he swayed along with the crowd. "Not having any fun?"

"It's hot," Chad shouted back as he stood there wiping the sweat off his neck.

Troy couldn't hear, so Chad grabbed him by the shoulder to yell the answer in his ear. The tanned skinned friend leaned back with an "oh" upon his mouth.

"Take your shirt off, man!"

Chad shook his big mop of hair. He was about to continue the conversation, but something caught his eye past Troy's head. Troy, wondering what his friend was looking at, turned around and fixed his eyes upon a blonde girl wearing a purple bejeweled mask and a purple slim-fitting dressed that was short enough to cover everything that needed to be covered. Sighing, Troy stopped dancing and turned back to Chad who was still staring.

"Chad, have some fucking fun, yeah? It sucks looking at you like this."

"Well, if it sucks so much, why don't you just fuck off?" Chad snapped.

Troy narrowed his eyes. "Because I'm your best friend."

The two of them glared at each other for awhile before Chad gave up. Not wanting to talk to Troy any longer, Chad turned around and waved him off, entering the sea of people once again.

"Why can't you just move on!" Troy shouted as he stood on his toes to keep his eye on the bushy head.

Chad pretended not to hear and kept on moving, but it was hard because his best friend's words kept echoing in his head, like a never-ending loop. It just kept on playing, and playing, and every single time, Chad couldn't think of an answer.

He kept on walking and tried not to look at anything around him. In the end, he gave up because he saw things either way, saw pretty girls with pretty masks, and he wonders if any one of them was as pretty as-

"Watch the fuck where you're going!"

Looking up, Chad quickly apologized to the girl. He noted that she had blonde hair, too, and that she was wearing a green mask with feathers adorning it. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he shook his head and walked away, muttering to himself. He stopped himself, though. His mind was telling him to just walk away, but his body was doing the opposite. Instead, he walked right up in front of the girl and placed his hand on her hip and the other on her neck, making her look at him. Forgetting what just happened, the girl seemed to accept the offer and began to dance with him, snaking her arms up his chest.

Chad understood that he was getting in far too deep than he'd like to, but he couldn't stop moving. He wanted to stop so badly, but he couldn't help but brush his lips against the girl's entire face. It was ridiculous because he didn't even know this girl.

Their hips swayed in rhythm to the music as their noses grazed. The blonde girl leaned her head back as she let Chad trail kisses on her neck and across her collarbone.

He didn't even know what he was trying to do or what he was trying to get out of this. It wasn't helping him with anything because even though it looked like her, it wasn't-

"Chad!"

He snapped his head up, wondering who called his name (and hoping it was... fuck). Letting go of the girl, he looked around. His eyes strained to find the person, but everything was too dark and blurry. He felt his breath quicken as his mind was reeling. Panicking, he pushed his way through the crowd, trying to get a glimpse of whoever beckoned him, but he felt himself being tossed, as if he was in the ocean. It was like he was drowning in this sea of masked villains and heroes, suffocating every single time he was pulled and twisted.

His vision was getting blurry with tears, which he had no idea where they came from. They weren't falling because he was willing himself not to let them fall, like he had been doing for awhile now. It was getting harder and harder, though. He felt jeers, whoops, catcalls, laughter, and shrieks reach his ears and everything was getting mixed up. Lights swirled around and faces blended, and he just couldn't take it. Gritting his teeth, he persisted in moving through the crowd and-

"Chad!"

A blonde girl with a white mask decorated with rhinestones stood in a spotlight, her arms folded across her chest. She was staring at him, boring holes into his head. Chad didn't know what to do. He just stood there, mouth agape, looking at something that could be heaven in this hot hell he was in.

Throwing her arms up in the air, a gesture that Chad was familiar with the emotion of frustration, she began to walk out of the spotlight and towards him. Then, it was like Chad felt like himself again, himself from a few months ago. Himself when he was with...

"Chad."

His heart was beating faster and slower and the butterflies were fluttering madly. He couldn't help but smile widely, the smile reaching his eyes for the first time in what seemed like forever. The girl in front of him mirrored his face. Slowly, Chad reached up and cupped the girl's face. He couldn't help but laugh as he leaned down, nose slightly touching hers. Taking his wrists, the girl took them off of her face and let hers replace the emptiness in his hands. Her bright smile lessened, but Chad's didn't.

"Sharpay. God, I've missed you."

"I know."

"You have no idea."

"I know."

Sharpay looked at him with so much love that Chad felt like he could die happy.

"Come back to me."

Hesitating, Sharpay turned her attention to button his shirt back up. "You know I can't, Chad."

"Why not? I love you, you love me. Isn't that enough?"

"I'm sorry, but it's not. You know that."

Chad knew it, too, but he denied it too many times. Fuming, he stayed silent.

She sighed. "Chad. I'm not going back to you. You need to deal with it." She combed through his curly locks with her slender fingers. "I can't do what I need to do because you're still hanging onto me. And you can't do what you need to do because you're still hanging onto me."

"What do I need to do, huh? I don't need anything."

"You need to grow up. That's what, Chad."

His face twisted in pain and anger. He was doing all the growing up he can. He's got a job, an apartment, and a car. He's moving up in the world without the help of his mother telling him what to do because he's grown up. Isn't he?

"You can't grow up if you keep going on like this." Her hands caressed his face. She stared into his eyes with her own sad ones. "You need to get over me."

"Chad?"

It was Troy's voice, but Chad didn't want to look away.

"If growing up means getting over you, then I'd rather be a kid," Chad said defiantly. Sharpay looked somber as tears filled her eyes. He grabbed her face, the tears spilling over the mask. "Come back to me. I love you."

"I love you, too, Chad!" she sobbed as she wrenched his hands away from her face. "But I can't!"

"Chad!"

Finally turned around to his best friend, Chad said in annoyed tone, "What the fuck do you want!"

Pissed, Troy replied, "I was wondering who the fuck you were talking to."

Sharpay was on the tip of his tongue, but he was scared to say it for some reason. He quickly turned his head towards where she was only to find no one there, not even a rhinestone on the ground to signify her existence. His eyes widened in fright as he looked up and searched around him to find the girl with the white mask.

"Shar-she was here. I could've sworn she was here!"

Troy's expression turned to one of sadness. Taking Chad's hand, he said, "Chad."

Chad remembered when he first started liking her. She was lying on the grass in the football stadium at night, and she was singing a tune he'd didn't even know. And she wasn't glittzed up like she usually was. Just clad in jeans, a tank, and a sweater and hair twisted in a messy bun. And that was when Chad realized that he was really seeing her.

"You know she's gone."

He remembered how he felt every time he lied anywhere with her, on the grass, on the road, on the bed, on the carpet, anywhere. He felt at home, safe. He felt invincible. And he felt happy. And he remembered how he turned his head to look into her eyes and see the exact same things he was feeling.

"She's never coming back."

Her laughs haunted him, the ghosts of her touches, her kisses, gave him shivers. He'd do anything to have it be real again.

And for the first time, since her death, Chad's tears finally spilled.

"I know. I fucking know."

The question began its loop again.

'Because I don't want to grow up, Troy.'

* * *

All right. Wrote this shit almost half a year ago. Crap title, but I was going on the lines of Chad saying, "I can't move on..." and "I won't move on..." Some sort of shit like that.


End file.
